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Old 08-03-2009, 01:28 AM   #1
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funny old timer sayings

so i work with this old guy and he says the funniest $hit sometimes. i figured we have guys from all over the US here so what may seem common sayings to you may be new to others. so if you know some one that says a saying you think is funny, post it up.
the one he said today

"its colder than a well diggers ass out here" old timer referenced above
"hotter than a popcorn fart" -my dad
"louder than a two Cunted Camel pissin on a flat rock" also my dad

obvious ones (to me)
"that really chapps my a$$"
.... im still thinking of more
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Old 08-03-2009, 03:04 AM
Posted in reply to 73redblaze's post "funny old timer sayings"
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bat sh*t crazy
wound tighter than a 8 day clock
looks like a retard trying to kill bees with a hammer got ahold of it
nuttier than squirrel sh*t
tighter than a nun's c*nt
shes been hit in the face by the WTF truck
shes built like a burlap sack full of bottle caps
her face has been set on fire and put out with a wet axe (hammer, brick, pickaxe, claw hammer, etc....)
you cant spell slaughter without laughter
you cant rape the willing
dont measure with a micrometer and mark with a lazer something you plan to cut with a chainsaw
f*ck me to tears batman
Yes, but when it divides by zero and eats its f*cking self your going to be replacing more than a.......(whatever the part is)
crazier than a sh*t house rat
hotter than a mexican wh*re house in july
sweatin' like a wh*re in church
It's the one that says Bad motherf*ck*r on it
Out of here like a fat girl in dodge ball
Off like a prom dress
lets make like a tree and get the f*ck out of here
kiss a fat man's a*s
i gotta sh*t like a crippled coon
More f*cked up than a bag of clothes hangers
Looks like we've had a visit from the f*ck up fairy again
as worthless as t*ts on a boar hog
f*cked up worse than a soup sandwich
its not rape if you yell SURPRISE
crazier than a 6 p*ckered goat
i gotta p*ss like a 2 p*ckered billygoat
nitrous is like a hot girl with a STD, you wanna hit it but your afraid of the consequences
Hammer to fit, paint to match
Torch your way in, Weld your way out
Hung like a hampster and twice as fast
it's hotter than 2 rats f*ckin in a wool sock
Hung like a stud field mouse
hung like a stud gerbil
Hung like a field mouse in a bucket of ice water
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Old 08-03-2009, 05:40 AM   #3
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He could f#ck up a $hit sandwich

He can't tell the difference between $hit & shinola

(typical bar fight) Look at that, ones scared & the other one's glad

doesn't know the difference between his a$$ and a hole in the ground

what a bag of a$$holes

pretty girls f*ck too....

If I had a pu$$y I'd have a mattress on my back

cut it twice & it's still too short...

and, from my Bro Detroit Bob:

F*ck 'em, it's all about my c*ck!
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Old 08-03-2009, 05:44 AM
Posted in reply to Big Ray's post starting "He could f#ck up a $hit sandwich He..."
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nitrous is like a hot girl with a STD, you wanna hit it but your afraid of the consequences

Along those lines

"That girl will put something on ya even AJAX won't take off"

"Ugly tree my a**, that girl ran through the ugly forest and never missed a branch"

"I may have a needle for a d**k, but I've got a sewing machine for an a**"
- Josh

The project- 86 K5, full vert, 12v Cummins 4500/205 D60/14B, frame off rebuild http://www.coloradok5.com/forums/sho...d.php?t=252851

The wheeler- April 14 calendar truck - 86 K30 shortened, 454/400/205 52/64's 4.56 60/14 locked and welded, tube bed and other stuff build > http://coloradok5.com/forums/showthread.php?t=292854
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The Beater- 01 VW Jetta 1.8t 5spd..low buck 30mpg city car
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Old 08-03-2009, 06:10 AM
Posted in reply to jt512's post starting ":haha::haha: Along those lines..."
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That is a bucket of Fu*k
Fu*ked up like a football bat
It's better to be pissed at and missed than Sh*t at and hit.
1991 V2500 'Burb 350/4L80E/241, 10B open/14SF Detroit Truetrac (4:10), 2 inch Rough Country lift, full factory skid plating, 265/75R16E BFG AT/KO's on Outlaw 2 wheels

A veteran - whether active duty, retired, or national guard or reserve - is someone who, at one point in their life, wrote a blank check made payable to The United States of America, for an amount of up to and including my life.

Always Remember, Operation Red Wings 06/28/2005
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Old 08-03-2009, 06:13 AM
Posted in reply to jt512's post starting ":haha::haha: Along those lines..."
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Horsepower is like a condom. It is better to have it and not need it then to need it and not have it.
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Old 08-03-2009, 06:30 AM
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Hotter than 2 cats ****ing in a wool sox
Colder that a well diggers ass in the Klondike
Dryer than a pop corn fart
Hub Cap Militia Founding Member

1979 k30, 454 226whp 298 wft/lbs sm465/205 60 lockrite/ detroit 14ff 4.10 39.5s 4" ord lift, 0 rates and some other junk.

1982 K30 6.2 155whp 355 wft/lbs,465,205 4.10s 60/70 DRW, hx35 forced induction.
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Old 08-03-2009, 06:47 AM
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when someone doesn't "get it ".....

Like a chicken watching a card trick.
Like a cow watching a passing train.

I've done more work this morning on accident than you'll do all day on purpose...

Cut it twice and it's still too short..

Your mother have any kids that lived ?

That's so ***ked up even God couldn't figure it out.
79 K5...454HO/T400/203-205/D60/14FF Truggy
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Old 08-03-2009, 07:12 AM
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I am going out to raise hell and prop it up with a stick.

Colder than a witches tit.

Colder than a brass plated toilet on the shady side of an iceberg.

Its Clear as a bell and cold as hell

I am so horney, even the crack of dawn aint safe.
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Old 08-03-2009, 07:30 AM
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Why don't you kiss my ass, and call it a love story????
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